Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror, right when I’m not expecting it. Today it happened in the hallway, on my way to put laundry in. I saw myself, just existing, hoodie slipping off my shoulder, hair doing its own quiet thing. My first instinct was to fix something—my posture, the way my lips were pressed together, maybe the softness in my eyes. I didn’t. I just stood there for a second, watching myself be.
It’s funny how I still get a small jolt of fear in these moments. Not the loud kind, just a gentle little nudge that says, hey, are we okay showing up like this? My queerness is easy to feel in my body, but sometimes it’s hard to let it be seen in the ways I want. Sometimes I’m scared people will see too much, and sometimes I’m scared they won’t see enough. Both are weirdly tender fears.
But today, I let myself linger. I let the hoodie fall a little lower, didn’t bother with my hair. I noticed the curve of my smile, how it felt familiar, how it felt like someone I’d want to know. That was enough—a soft, private permission to just be here, looking like myself, feeling Black and queer and a little bit brave in the most ordinary way.
The laundry beeped and I moved on, but the feeling stayed with me. There’s something quietly good about not rushing to fix or hide. Just letting myself be soft, even for a minute, feels like the smallest kind of freedom. I think I’ll let it happen again tomorrow, if I can.
Kabal, you modeling “taking up space” allows us to find the courage and inspiration to do the same. So grateful for you and your message!
I’m here I’ll be reading every single one in my spare time. Love you! Keep up the good work.